Don't be fooled....

That's not a smile....

2011

New Years resolution:

1. Learn new cool things to make my blog prettier.
2. Blog more.
3. Smile more.
4. Love others more.
5. Love myself more.
6. Love Cooper more. (Not possible)


The end.

9 days.

In NINE days, I'll be a "Ms.", not a "Mrs."! Officially!

:)

Thhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank yooouuuu, Santa!!!

1 year, 1 week, 6 days.

That's how long it's been since our divorce was "filed" in good ol' Angelina county. It's still not final. I'd never have guessed I'd be typing those words (STILL not final!~) at this time last year. It's been a rough year, life has changed so incredibly much. Some changes have been good, other changes have been HARD. But all changes have been necessary.

I looked back the other day at my first post about the "Big D"...my admission to the world that it was happening. I can remember so vividly typing those words. It felt like my world was ending. I think I sobbed the whole way through the words I typed.

A year later, I'm still alive. In limbo, but alive. After jumping through a million hoops, I'm living in my hometown, that I never knew just how much I loved. Family and friend support has been incredible...THANK Y'ALL!

With all the changes, one thing hasn't changed. The Lord is still my refuge. He has enabled me to walk calmly through an unbelievable storm. I, myself, can't even believe the composure he's given me. Thank you, Father, for that. I surely don't deserve the love He shows me every day.

I'm most thankful that through it all, Coop's dad and I have maintained a friendship. We are able to talk, make decisions together, share funny Cooper stories, meet for lunch with Cooper, and we're on the same page (most days:) about how he should and shouldn't be raised. So many people hate each others guts after a divorce. I'm so, so glad we don't.

Most people wouldn't consider me lucky. I don't always. While life didn't work out exactly as planned, it's still a good life. A real good life.

Baffled.

It's happened.

My superhuman organizational skills have left the building. Just like that.

I don't know where anything is. I've missed a few birthday parties. Haven't mailed a single thank you note for Cooper's birthday in October. Whoopsie. Sometimes I forget to pay a bill on time. Occasionally, my socks don't match.

I don't know where they went. I don't know why they left. And...you know what? I'm pretty much ok with it. :)

2

Cooper,

Want to know what I love about you??

Everything.

You're two! Big two! For 24 months, you've blessed my life in more ways than I could ever have imagined. My heart's not big enough for all the love I have for you. On this day, your 2nd birthday, I am completely grateful that God chose ME to be YOUR mommy. Of all the mommies in the world, he picked me. I am a lucky, lucky girl. At the ripe old age of two, you have been my greatest teacher. You have helped me learn so many things about myself...and about life.

I could just sit and stare at you for hours!! Sometimes I do... Mr. Blue Eyes, with the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. Your hair is already getting a little darker, your feet resemble those of Fred Flintstone, your fingernails always seem to get a little dirty no matter where we are or what we're doing, and your sweet little chubby hands could hold my hands all day long and I wouldn't mind. I looked at your first birthday pictures yesterday and I cried. You asked "Mommy, why sad?" Your tender little heart melted and you cried, too. Because mommy cried. "I'm sad because I want you to be little forever." I bet I do the same thing next year, too. :)

One of my most favorite things in the world is when I ask you to tell me a story. There are three stories that you love to tell....a lot! "Ride tractor, mama...and the baler broke. Uncle Jerry fixed it. Now there's hay." or "Cows in trouble. Got out. Fence broke. Bad cows! Uncle Jerry fixed it." orrr.... "Deer, mama! Jump high! It's big! Running! I get it. Pow powwwwww!" I love hearing your words, but even more, I love seeing your face when you tell those stories. I look forward to many, many more stories.

"Mama?" What is it Cooper? "I happy."

That's what you say every morning when you wake up. And....that's also what you tell me when you sometimes have to go to time out for "accidentally" sprinkling your powder everywhere...or "accidentally" tearing up a special book. Being a boy is tough sometimes.

You have the world wrapped around your little finger. You love to be around kids. You never meet a stranger. People just seem to be drawn to you. When you're afraid or nervous, you hug my leg and stay real close. You HATE to go to sleep and you usually find your way to Mommy's bed at some point in the night. You are extremely independent and want to do everything yourself. No help, mommy! you say...

My head is full of all the sweet and funny moments that we've shared, Coop Coop. It would take me a year to write them all. As I try to fit some of them in here, I'm finding that for some of those special moments, words just aren't enough. There's no way I could capture the magic and humor and mischief and extra-specialness of YOU by typing it here. So, I'll keep them locked inside my memory in hopes that I never, ever forget.

You are beautiful, little boy. Inside and out. And I love every second that we spend together. We've come a long way, baby.

I love you soooo much.

How much is so?

Way, way more than you know.

-Mommy :)

Hello, October!

September, where did you GO?!??!?!

Life is wonderfully busy and days are full of fun places to go and things to do. Between family, friends, school, and football, we've had an awesome month. Time's moving so very fast.

I've been busy planning my little cowpoke's 2nd birthday party. Cupcake toppers, party favors, sheriff's badges...whew. Lovin' it, though. Can't wait to post pics from his big day!!

I'm in l-o-v-e with this weather we've been having. Also in l-o-v-e with the new fall candles that are keeping my house smellin' reallll good! My favorite time of year!!!

Back to School

August is always the fastest month of the year. Somehow, lots and lots of days have gone by in the blink of an eye. It's back to school time, and I definitely get pretty dorky this time of the year. Like...I love school supplies. Love 'em. I love getting my room ready for a new batch of kiddos. And I love getting excited about meeting all of them on the first day of school. I think it's pretty safe to say that teaching is what I was meant to do, and although I would really, really, really love to be a stay at home mom with my Coopy, I really do love what I do and am thankful that I have a job that allows me to be home at 3:45-ish, on the weekends, for holidays, and that sweet little summer vacation that I'll never get tired of.

Tonight, I'll keep that thankfulness in mind as I conquer a mountain of work I really should be doing. I'll keep that in mind although I'd really just love to go to sleep now, at 7:02 p.m. And I'll keep that in mind as I feel the tingly tiredness of my legs from running around like a crazy lady all day.

It's good to be home. Have I mentioned that? :) On the first day of in-service, we had a district-wide breakfast with a speaker, a hilarious skit, and some introductions of new staff. Of course, new staff had to stand in front of the cafeteria, with 300ish (my best guess) people staring at us while we were up there. I was introduced by my mentor, Mrs. Wynette Wright. She's the sweetest thing ever. I have to admit, though, that while she was up there, I really wasn't listening to what she was saying about me. Instead, I got all nerdy-emotional when I looked into the crowd and saw so, so many familiar faces. That's never happened before! I've been a few places....and been to lots of inservices at those places, but it was so great to know people in the crowd.

And then....I started thinking that a lot of those people have so much to do with who I am today. Because of school hours/practice afternoons/game nights, I spent more time with some of those people than I did with my own parents during the school year. Those people were difference makers to me and I gotta say.....it's good to be in their presence. It's good to be their colleague. It's good to be HOME! Maybe someday, somebody will stand up at the front of the room and say the same about me. Maybe someday. :)

Just call me the Geek Squad

I learned how to make my very own blog signature tonight! Was it worth staying up until 1AM? Ummm.....YES!

The twos. The terrible ones.

Hello, terrible 2's! I've been expecting you. Just not this soon! :)

Terrible really isn't the best word for it. Mischievous is a better fit, i think. Sometimes it's reallllly funny. Other times it's realllllly not. But it is always, always interesting.

Some recent pictures of some of this terrble two-ness that I've (somehow) timed just right....


You're looking at a mountain of salt and pepper covering Mr. Sheep up.

Pretty sure this one's a goner... Whoopsie.

THIS dryer incident happened in (not exaggerating) less than 30 seconds. He works fast. Didn't you know that purses, water guns, pillows, boots, balls, and rubber ducks went in the dryer?

Saving the best for last...these two 'praying pictures' look real innocent, don't you think? Welll....these days, when Coop gets in trouble, he feels the need to talk to Jesus right about the time I start to 'count to three'. I hope he's praying for mama, too!

Wanna know the best part? He won't be 2 until October 5th.
Oh, BROTHER!

A New Adventure!!!!

OK, friends.... I have an announcement to make.

I'm starting a second blog. It's called "Why Didn't I Think of That?" and the address is www.caseythecopycat.blogspot.com

I JUST created it, although I've been planning it out in my head for days. It's super plain and only one obligatory explanation post is there at this point, but I'm making this official announcement so that I'll stick to the plan and not let an idea go out the window. If I KNOW people are looking, I'll KNOW I better post away!!!

Go ye therefore and follow that blog!

that is what you are

Sweetness. Pure Sweetness. That is what you are.
Joy. Pure Joy. That is what you bring to my life.
Beauty. FULL of beauty. That is what I see when I look at you.
Love. Pure Love. That is what you are.

These are a few of his favorite things

This summer, my precious little CoopCoop has become exxxxxxtra particular about what he likes and what he doesn't. He likes things done a certain way and if they're not, well....get ready for a meltdown. (hmm....wonder who he gets that from? :)

As sneaky and clever as I try to be, nothing less than what this boy wants is what this boy will settle for. It can be painfully frustrating at times, but this strong headedness is bound to come in handy when he's standing up for what he believes in one of these days. I'm just gonna keep telling myself that....whisper under your breath about how naiive I'm being! Ha ha! :) You have my permission!!

I'd love to share a few of his favorites with you.

Meet....the supper plate. Breakfast or lunch may not be served on this plate. Only supper. And his food better be on it come suppertime!


Ketchup must be served in this spot. And in his defense, it really is the perfect ketchup spot....

This is the family of cows we can absolutely not go anywhere without. At this point, they have not been named.... But, thank you Uncle Jerry for teaching him how to tell if it's a "boy" cow or a "girl" one. *cringe!*

And then there are the boots. They have walked, run, and jumped a million miles. "Mama, boots!" is the first phrase I hear when he wakes up as well as immediately after he gets out of the bathtub. On more than one occasion, the boots have taken precedence over the diaper after his bath. I do love to watch him walk in them, though. He suddenly becomes a little bow-legged and his voice gets a little twangy-er. He's added extra syllables to words I never knew you could. These boots are pretty special, though. I originally thought they were my brother's, but I was digging around in some old pictures the other day, and lo and behold....2 year old me was posing by the Christmas tree in those ugly things.

YES, I realize that this toothbrush has a pink handle, and NO, Cooper has never seen an episode of Pokemon, to my knowledge. But...."T" gave him this toothbrush and it was love at first sight.


Here's a two-fer. I saved my favorite for last. Favorite pajamas and his "phone talkin" spot.

Unfortunately, I think he has inherited some of my quirky, OCD, perfectionism traits. And don't even ask how many times I've heard my mom's voice in my head, saying "Just wait until you have kids!!!"

Amber Marie

25 years ago today, a little songbird was born.

I was so proud to be a big sister.

We grew up fast and she remembers a whole lot more of our memories and stories than I do, and I sure am thankful that mama took as many pictures as she did since a dozen years seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.

I like to look at all of those pictures. In the midst of all the hairspray and curls, we had some fun.

Most of the funnier stories are stories about how we never got along. And I mean it when I say we never got along. She knew how to push my buttons and I sure knew how to push hers. I know this may come as a surprise to y'all, but I've been known to be just a tad bit bossy :) and my sister had a temper that couldn't be matched.

I'll let you in on a little secret, though. I sure was especially proud to be her sister when she sang. She's got a voice that could move a mountain and I wanted everybody to know that she was MY sister.

She's been there for me in ways I never expected her to have to be. I am so, so thankful for that. It only took 25 years, but I think it's safe to say that although we have our moments, we are not just sisters. We're finally friends.

CoopCoop FINALLY said "Ambie" yesterday. I like to think of it as his very own birthday present to her. We're lucky to have an Ambie like her. Very, very lucky.

Hope you have the very best birthday!!

Sweet as Sugar

This one's for you, Pop Pop

Cooper just looooves his Pop Pop. About as much as any boy could love his Pop Pop. He's one of his best buddies. In fact, Cooper has worked up a little song he likes to sing all about Pop Pop....all day long. :) So, in honor of Pop Pop's day (a little late.....whoopsie.), we had another one of our little photo shoots. Again, not nearly as "posed" as I would've preferred, but pretty cute, if I do say so myself. Pop Pop, we love you!!

Sometimes the best conversations happen in the kitchen.

I always love getting to spend time with family. I always love getting to spend time with my cousin, Jana, too. She is a great role model, steadfast in her faith in the Lord, and has THE sweetest heart I've ever known.

Last night, in her mom's kitchen, she shared this verse with me. I've read it before, but never thought about applying it to MY life when I read it. I love it. I believe it.

Psalm 13
"How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, O Lord, my God: lighten mine eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death

Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him, and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved."

(Here's where it gets good....)

"But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

I will sing unto the Lord because he hath dealt bountifully with me."

Good, huh??

I will sing unto the Lord because He knows my heart. I will sing unto the Lord because as bad as things sometimes seem, they are not as bad as they could be. I will sing unto the Lord because I have people in my life, like Jana, that have all the reasons in the world to focus on their own heartbreaks and troubles, but instead pray for me, think of me, and share these types of "talks in the kitchen" with me.

I will sing, sing, sing...

The cleaning ladies

Know what i feel like? Get your imagination ready. :) I feel like a bunch of little tiny cleaning ladies are surrounding my heart and my mind...and, well, my life in general. I feel like all of the 'bad stuff' is being swept away into their tiny little dustpans. Little by little, everything is just falling into place. Life is becoming simpler, my heart is much softer, and i'm feeling more like myself every day.

I took lots of deep breaths today. I even sat down and slowed my mind down enough to watch a movie. That hasn't happened in a really, really long time!!!

Know what else I feel like? No imagination necessary this time... I feel like being happy without having to pretend to be happy feels pretty stinkin' good.

Sometimes we laugh....

...and sometimes we cry. Sometimes it's hard to figure out our way in this life.

3 years ago today, I danced, for the first time as a married couple on our wedding day, with my husband to that song. Brandon Rhyder sings it and I use to love it. I use to love it a lot. I'll never hear those words the same way again.

It was a beautiful wedding. And a beautiful reception. The dress I wore was the perfect dress. The songs we picked out for the ceremony and reception were the perfect songs. I'll never forget how I felt that day. Luckiest girl in the world.

3 years ago today, I would have never imagined how our story would play out. The "worse" got the "better" of us, I suppose.

I imagined I would go through the day today without a care in the world. I imagined I might even have a couple of margaritas and make a toast to life's unexpected curveballs we sometimes get. I didn't do either of those things.

Instead, I wallowed in self-pity for a while, occupied my mind with a lot of mindless internet browsing, drove, and drove, and drove and came up with a little mental plan and pep talk to get myself through these hard times...

#1 on the list: Find a new favorite song.
#2 on the list: Wait for the hidden blessing that is bound to come from this. God alllways comes through for us in that way, doesn't he?

oh la dee, oh la dah, life goes on, oooooh na na na na life goes on...

Mantra

When I find myself in times of trouble,
mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness she is
standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted
there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
there is still a light that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music,
mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom,
let it be.

20

Twenty....

...times a minute, I hear "mama! mama!"
...times an hour, I find a random object hidden somewhere it doesn't belong.
...times a day, I get an unexpected tight hug from my sweet, sweet boy.
...times a week, a new word spills out of his mouth that he's never said before.
...times a month, I suddenly think (slightly panicked)....When did you get SO big?

For 20 months, I have smiled more, my days have been happier, my life has taken on a new meaning, my identity has been redefined, and I have loved harder than I ever thought I could in my wildest dreams.

For 20 months, my heart has melted into the hands of a little boy with dirty fingernails, 20 year old boots on his feet, and the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen.

For 20 months, I have considered myself the luckiest mama in the whole wide world.

Don't grow up too fast, CoopCoop.

The Professor

Add some Mr. Potato Head glasses, a very studious pose,

a book in the background, and......voila'!

Instant genious! :)

Grannas are the BEST!

I had this GREAT idea (and by I, I mean Robin Packard, a good friend from high school - - - totally stole the idea from her blog....Thanks, Robin! :)) to give the sweetest little surprise to Cooper's Granna, my mom. I had it all planned out in my mind, pictured all of the littlest details...man, it was going to be GOOD. Well, mad props to Robin, whose children posed perfectly with big smiles and upright letters. Here's our rendition, dedicated to Granna, of course. Not quite as perfect as planned, but practically perfect in our own little way.

We love you so much, Granna, and hope you had the best Mother's day
- - - we mean Granna's day - - - ever!

"I Big Boy!"

"I big boy." Those words actually came out of Cooper's mouth today at Wal-Mart. Those three words took a toll on me and stopped me dead in my tracks. I teared up in Wal-Mart! I did! He's a big boy. It happened so fast...

No more open mouthed, slobbery kisses. He can make the kissy face - - and the sound.

No more arms reaching up constantly for me to hold him. This boy's just gotta RUN.

No more Mommy turning the pages of the book for him as we read. That's his favorite part these days.

It's a good thing that he just keeps getting more fun to be around each day. Although I'm super sad that I won't be getting anymore of those sloppy kisses, turning the pages of his books, and holding him every second we're together (among the hundreds of the other "big boy" things he's graduated to these days), I think it would be much harder to handle all of the "new" without all of the "new". Every day is like Christmas. He gives me a new "present" every day!

Wouldn't trade being this "big boy's" Mommy for the world...

Angel

I've got an angel.
He doesn't wear any wings.

He wears a heart that can melt my own,
he has a smile that can make me wanna sing.

He gives me presents with his presence alone.
He gives me everything I could wish for,
he gives me kisses just for coming home.

Happy Birthday, Big E!

Confession: I'm going green and recycling this post from my "ex blog" that I wrote one year ago today. Still rings true...just had to change a couple minor details. :)

It's April 21, 2010 and it's my brother's birthday. He's 21 years old today, which is completely insane to me. How did he get so old ?

I left home to go to college when he was 11. When I left, he was a little short, chubby kid with cute cheeks, spiky hair with blonde highlights, and a farmer's tan from playing outside all the time. He was a kid who never thought girls had cooties, loved to talk in crazy voices, hated to take showers, and doused himself with body spray called "Bod - Really Ripped Abs" (that to this day makes me gag when I catch a whiff of it) to make himself smell good enough to not take a bath. He had a sidekick, Tucker, with whom he had "picnics on the roof", eating chocolate pudding and beef jerky before posing on the side of the road with their bikes strategically placed and red paint on their faces to see how many people would stop and help them with their "bike wreck". He had a magic spell over my parents that could convince him to let him do ANYTHING!

He whistled and flashed the porch lights on when I was getting a goodnight kiss from boys I dated. He hid under my bed and scared me to death when I least expected it. He made me mad enough to cry and laugh so hard I peed my pants. He's the center of attention everywhere he goes without even trying to be. He has more potential than he even realizes. He is amazingly gifted. He is one of a kind.

I can't protect him, but I want to.
I can't tell him what to do, but I try to.
I can't see him as often as I should, but I wish I could...

HOW does time go by SO FAST?!?!?

Eric - - have a birthday as happy as the memories I have of you. Coop is so lucky to have a
"Big E" like you. I'm lucky to have a brother like you. We love you to the moon!!!

Baby's Got a New Pair of Shoes...

.....and he HATES them!!!!!!!

Aren't those chubby little marshmallow feet just the cutest things you've ever seen, though? :)

The Multitasker

The Cute, the Not-so-Cute, and Some Brand New Vocabulary

It's been almost a month since my last blog. How is it that one month can seem like one minute? Time flies when you're havin' fun! :)

This past month has been extremely fun with my little Cooper man. He is now 17 months old and in his mind, I'm pretty sure he thinks he's at least 6. He is saying TONS of new words, doing TONS of new cute things....and TONS of not-so-cute things, too.

Some of his favorite new things to say (and my favorite new things to hear):

Dih-down (get down)
cheese (with a lisp)
bahboy (bad boy)
uh-oh
nack (snack)
dooeydin (do it again!)

And the not-so-cute stuff? Funny as it may be, I think I'll be on my toes for the next...oh.....17 years. He has graduated (hopefully!) from the biting phase right on into the slapping phase. He surprise attack slaps. Hard. He has shown the poor cashier at Brookshire Bros. my boobies 3 times. 3 different days. (What can I say? He must be proud...) Running from me is also a new phenomenon....and boy, is he FAST. I have abandoned many shopping carts trying to catch up with him, (since he thinks he's too big to ride in the buggy, he likes to walk and hold my hand) He has me completely figured out and knows just how to work me to get his way. Smart boy. And, as it turns out, this sweet boy is all boy. 150%. Shopping is his least favorite activity. Even when he gets stuff. Not happening.

What would I do without him? He's the best hugger, gives the sweetest little baby kisses, a world-class snuggler, the nicest hand holder, and it is impossible to NOT be in a good mood whenever he's near. Lucky me, lucky him, lucky us!

Happy Valentine's Day, Friends!!!!

Wish

It's times like these I especially wish neither one of them had to get even a second older...

Heartsongs

I had a "moment" today that touched my heart that I can't get off my mind. I thought this story might touch some other hearts, too.

I have a student whose home was destroyed in a fire this past Monday night. They are a family with two parents, three kids, and very very little in the form of "stuff". Two of the kiddos go to school where I teach. One in the 5th grade, another in the 6th - both girls - with an older brother.

Flashing back to Tuesday, I noticed that "T" wasn't in class. She is NEVER absent. Ever. Late in the day, I heard the news. Oh, God. Please don't let it be true.

It was.

"T" returned to class Wednesday, I gave her a hug and let her know I loved her. She thanked me with tears in her eyes and never let her smile leave her face, just like always. I actually have her for a big chunk of the day...and my last class with her is a class of 7 people. She got to be my special helper that day and toward the end of class, I took a risk by asking a question about what she had been through... I simply asked, "what were you able to get out of the house"?? She told me that she was able to grab her jacket, a pair of jeans, some school supplies, and her candy canes from Christmas. She began to open up and re-live the events of that night. Heartbreaking.

She asked to go to the restroom, so I took the opportunity to ask the class, while she was gone, to make her some cards and turn them into me on Friday (today). Cards started pouring in. Many of them had sweet notes, lots of misspelled words, an a lot of them even had one or two dollars attached!

Fast forward to today...I gave "T" the cards that her classmates had made her and she was so sweet about it. She giggled and smiled real big and "awwwwwww" came out of her mouth dozens of times. She was very secretive about the money, not making a big scene about it like most 5th graders would do.

While we were walking to lunch, she walked by me. I asked her what she was going to buy with all of her dollars and she said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to need to buy a lot of thank you cards."

What a kid! What a heart!

I immediately felt very shameful for my mindset lately. How can I get "down and out" about any situation I might be in?? How can I consider a day "a bad day"? How can I wish that I had a bigger place with more room? How can I wish that I had a better car? I have a place to live, I have a car, I have nice clothes, and nice things. I have a beautiful baby boy, I have a Savior, and great friends. I have a family that loves me. Let's take away the home and car and clothes and stuff. The Savior, the son, the family, the friends. THAT is everything. THAT is wonderful.

"T" has it all figured out. 11 years old and wise beyond any stretch of even my imagination. People are the only thing that remain in her life. She values those people far more than she values any of the material things she lost in the fire. Putting others FIRST was her first instinct, despite her situation. She was willing to sacrifice her wants....and probably even her needs, to thank others.

How many times have I stayed in my little pity party without thanking those who support me, pray for me, check on me, and send thoughts my way?? Countless!

I can imagine that her Heartsong is the most beautiful sound in the world.

I hope she rubs off of me.

The big D

It's a scary word, most of the time. It's something that you don't plan for, don't expect while you're eating the yummy cake and smiling for your guests, and it's certainly not fun. It feels like you're heart is ripping out of your chest at one moment, and then the very next moment is filled with hope. It's the unknown, the shameful, the feeling of failure, the end of something that was so, so wonderful for a moment in time: the "D" word.

Divorce.

Here's what they don't warn you about in the dozens of books I've read and testimonies I've heard from others who've been through it: I still love him. I mean, not like that anymore, but I do...I love him. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I want the very best for him. I look forward to the time when things settle down. I look forward to the day we can be friends.

It isn't final, and I am unsure when it will be. I've been keeping things a secret, for the most part, since it began. I've been so afraid of what people would say. I've always been a little too concerned about that. At the beginning of January, my sister sent me a forward that....I'll admit...I usually delete. I read that one--the whole thing. I'm glad I did. It was full of sassy quotes and "I am woman, hear me roar" stories and advice. There in the midst of all the sass was one line that said "What other people think about you is none of your business." Epiphany time. It wasn't a profound quote from an ancient philosopher, just a plain old thought that rang a bell. That bell is still ringing. It's none of my business! So, here it is, world. The statement I've been hiding from: "I'm getting a divorce." Talk amongst yourselves. It's none of my business, anyway.

The journey has been nothing short of the most gnarly roller coaster ever engineered. Before you get on that roller coaster, you get so nervous, right? You start counting the people in front of you, trying to predict when it'll be your turn. You get in, buckle up...yikes...is this a good idea?? The click, click, click going up the hill--That's the scary part...what's happening next? How sudden is the fall? When's it gonna happen? The rush of going down that hill, the scary excitement of it all. The unexpected twists and turns, hands over your eyes one minute, the next you have your arms up in the air, fearless. Your stomach is in a constant state of flip-flop with the loopy upside down parts. You come to a screeching halt when it's over, stand up a little wobbly, and go about your day, your clothes a little less ironed and hair a little less fixed.

The truth is, it's for the best. It really is. Very cliche', right??

If there's one thing I've learned about life, it's that it goes on. Thank goodness it goes on.

Hello, new. Hello, us. Hello, life! :)

The story of our life? It's a good one.

A beautiful boy, the apple of his mama's eye: Cooper Lane. Precious, perfect, yummy Cooper Lane.

A mama who never ever knew just how much very much she was missing a baby boy until he graced her presence, who worships the ground that baby boy walks on, and takes pictures of every waking moment of his life. A girl who thinks that she has it allllll figured out, until, as it turns out, she doesn't. That's me.

Welcome to our adventures, welcome to our stories, welcome to our memories, welcome to our world!

:)