Heartsongs

I had a "moment" today that touched my heart that I can't get off my mind. I thought this story might touch some other hearts, too.

I have a student whose home was destroyed in a fire this past Monday night. They are a family with two parents, three kids, and very very little in the form of "stuff". Two of the kiddos go to school where I teach. One in the 5th grade, another in the 6th - both girls - with an older brother.

Flashing back to Tuesday, I noticed that "T" wasn't in class. She is NEVER absent. Ever. Late in the day, I heard the news. Oh, God. Please don't let it be true.

It was.

"T" returned to class Wednesday, I gave her a hug and let her know I loved her. She thanked me with tears in her eyes and never let her smile leave her face, just like always. I actually have her for a big chunk of the day...and my last class with her is a class of 7 people. She got to be my special helper that day and toward the end of class, I took a risk by asking a question about what she had been through... I simply asked, "what were you able to get out of the house"?? She told me that she was able to grab her jacket, a pair of jeans, some school supplies, and her candy canes from Christmas. She began to open up and re-live the events of that night. Heartbreaking.

She asked to go to the restroom, so I took the opportunity to ask the class, while she was gone, to make her some cards and turn them into me on Friday (today). Cards started pouring in. Many of them had sweet notes, lots of misspelled words, an a lot of them even had one or two dollars attached!

Fast forward to today...I gave "T" the cards that her classmates had made her and she was so sweet about it. She giggled and smiled real big and "awwwwwww" came out of her mouth dozens of times. She was very secretive about the money, not making a big scene about it like most 5th graders would do.

While we were walking to lunch, she walked by me. I asked her what she was going to buy with all of her dollars and she said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to need to buy a lot of thank you cards."

What a kid! What a heart!

I immediately felt very shameful for my mindset lately. How can I get "down and out" about any situation I might be in?? How can I consider a day "a bad day"? How can I wish that I had a bigger place with more room? How can I wish that I had a better car? I have a place to live, I have a car, I have nice clothes, and nice things. I have a beautiful baby boy, I have a Savior, and great friends. I have a family that loves me. Let's take away the home and car and clothes and stuff. The Savior, the son, the family, the friends. THAT is everything. THAT is wonderful.

"T" has it all figured out. 11 years old and wise beyond any stretch of even my imagination. People are the only thing that remain in her life. She values those people far more than she values any of the material things she lost in the fire. Putting others FIRST was her first instinct, despite her situation. She was willing to sacrifice her wants....and probably even her needs, to thank others.

How many times have I stayed in my little pity party without thanking those who support me, pray for me, check on me, and send thoughts my way?? Countless!

I can imagine that her Heartsong is the most beautiful sound in the world.

I hope she rubs off of me.

The big D

It's a scary word, most of the time. It's something that you don't plan for, don't expect while you're eating the yummy cake and smiling for your guests, and it's certainly not fun. It feels like you're heart is ripping out of your chest at one moment, and then the very next moment is filled with hope. It's the unknown, the shameful, the feeling of failure, the end of something that was so, so wonderful for a moment in time: the "D" word.

Divorce.

Here's what they don't warn you about in the dozens of books I've read and testimonies I've heard from others who've been through it: I still love him. I mean, not like that anymore, but I do...I love him. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I want the very best for him. I look forward to the time when things settle down. I look forward to the day we can be friends.

It isn't final, and I am unsure when it will be. I've been keeping things a secret, for the most part, since it began. I've been so afraid of what people would say. I've always been a little too concerned about that. At the beginning of January, my sister sent me a forward that....I'll admit...I usually delete. I read that one--the whole thing. I'm glad I did. It was full of sassy quotes and "I am woman, hear me roar" stories and advice. There in the midst of all the sass was one line that said "What other people think about you is none of your business." Epiphany time. It wasn't a profound quote from an ancient philosopher, just a plain old thought that rang a bell. That bell is still ringing. It's none of my business! So, here it is, world. The statement I've been hiding from: "I'm getting a divorce." Talk amongst yourselves. It's none of my business, anyway.

The journey has been nothing short of the most gnarly roller coaster ever engineered. Before you get on that roller coaster, you get so nervous, right? You start counting the people in front of you, trying to predict when it'll be your turn. You get in, buckle up...yikes...is this a good idea?? The click, click, click going up the hill--That's the scary part...what's happening next? How sudden is the fall? When's it gonna happen? The rush of going down that hill, the scary excitement of it all. The unexpected twists and turns, hands over your eyes one minute, the next you have your arms up in the air, fearless. Your stomach is in a constant state of flip-flop with the loopy upside down parts. You come to a screeching halt when it's over, stand up a little wobbly, and go about your day, your clothes a little less ironed and hair a little less fixed.

The truth is, it's for the best. It really is. Very cliche', right??

If there's one thing I've learned about life, it's that it goes on. Thank goodness it goes on.

Hello, new. Hello, us. Hello, life! :)

The story of our life? It's a good one.

A beautiful boy, the apple of his mama's eye: Cooper Lane. Precious, perfect, yummy Cooper Lane.

A mama who never ever knew just how much very much she was missing a baby boy until he graced her presence, who worships the ground that baby boy walks on, and takes pictures of every waking moment of his life. A girl who thinks that she has it allllll figured out, until, as it turns out, she doesn't. That's me.

Welcome to our adventures, welcome to our stories, welcome to our memories, welcome to our world!

:)